PRACTICING WHOLESOME LOVE. A thread – part 3

‘Love is Patient.’ 1 Corinthians 13:4a.

 

A few years ago, you could describe me as someone who had the shortest fuse in the world. Literally. I was too impatient with situations and not any better with people, particularly those closest to my heart. I went about my usual business and relationships with this bad attitude. I soon carried on this intolerant attitude into examination halls. While sitting for any exam during my university days, I was always so impatient and eager to leave the examination hall, you’d have thought my clothes were set on fire.

A quick background story: So, I’m a graduate of Religious studies from the University of Benin – UNIBEN, Nigeria. My lecturers and professors were the types that demanded EXHAUSTIVE explanations on questions asked. I mean, the more you write, the more marks you get. Even better, the more extra sheets you use in detailing answers, the more marks you earn for your effort. You see, my impatience towards life and everything, in general, didn’t allow me sit beyond 45 minutes to an hour for any exam, even for those that had a 3-hour stipulated time. Not that I incorrectly answered the questions, no, I would simply highlight the main points and not express them in detail, which, unfortunately for me, was what my professors preferred. By the time results rolled out, I wouldn’t fail, but I was never more than average.

Now, I could argue that I gave the right answers, but my lecturers would say that my answers were not thorough enough. Hence, I lost marks for my impatience. I was better intellectually than what the result sheets reflected. My classmates often wondered why my grades were not great, but I knew why – It was IMPATIENCE.

I finally graduated from the university with a second class lower degree (2-2 as we say it here). Was I disappointed in myself at the end? Yes, I was. I was to blame for my poor result. I was responsible for not giving my all where it mattered – in the examination halls. I had self-sabotaged, and I knew it. Upon graduation, a lecturer said to my sister, “your sister could have been the best graduating student Uniben ever had. I don’t know what is wrong with her and why she wouldn’t put her head in it.” This is an example of the many adverse results that my impatience has handed me.

What about the times I was so impatient with situations that I would jump to conclusions only to look like a fool at the end. What about the times when impatience made me say nasty and mean words to people I love and care about. After every episode of ‘dropping bombs’ and showing my meanness through my words, I would feel guilty and terrible afterward, sometimes lasting for days.

“Words are like eggs,” my husband always says, “once they drop, you can’t retrieve them.” (Thank God for the gift of this man in my life.)

I have had perfectly laid out plans that were wrongly executed because I was too impatient to take some steps or follow through on certain details, – which I deemed unnecessary. Cutting corners due to impatience sure has cost me a lot. Truth be told, half those times, I thought I was increasing my productivity when, in fact, I was giving in to my impatience.

Love is Patient.

When God opened my eyes and started taking me through the journey of dealing with my impatience, it humbled me. I had to learn to put myself under subjection at the expense of my pride and ego to learn indeed.

• I had to learn to be slow to anger and slow to speak. Due to the heightened feelings of agitation and irritability when things didn’t go my way, rather than express myself in the most hurtful way possible, I learned to argue less, bite my tongue, control my words, and regulate the tone with which I expressed my displeasure. I had to learn how to resolve conflicts appropriately & I had to learn to be emotionally intelligent.

• I learned to hear people out rather than jumping to conclusions without giving them a chance to explain their situation.
• I had to learn to be slow to react, revenge, or fight/speak back at someone who offends me. I have learned that when I respond to people and situations in the height of my emotions, I end up dabaru-ing (spoiling) everything, relationships inclusive.
• I’m learning to continually talk to God & trust the Holy Spirit to help me remain in love even in the face of situations testing my patience.

I’m still growing and getting better in these areas and in my ability to exercise patience. It has been a conscious and deliberate effort to Walk in Love by exercising patience.

You can do it too.

• First, take responsibility for the outcomes of your impatience. If you have mishandled relationships due to your impatience, apologize sincerely, and do what you can to make the relationships better. If your apology and actions are too late, forgive yourself and move on from the guilt. Guilt is not of God.

Recognize that you are in the hands of the Potter, and He is breaking you to purify you and re-mold you into becoming a vessel unto honour, prepared for every good work. (See 2 Timothy 2:21).

• Come to God just as you are, with all your issues, and ask for help. ‘Let us, therefore, come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.’ Hebrews 4:16.
• Lastly, yield to His help by working out your part of growing in patience. Control your tongue, especially when you get His nudging; if you need a time out, take it. Show respect to others in your attitude and in your speech (even if it kills you), and sit patiently to exhaust the time allotted for the examination (figuratively speaking).

Having the virtue called patience puts you in a place of rest ALWAYS.

I will end this post by citing Mark 13:13b, “He that endures to the end, the same shall be saved.” When you choose to be patient, you reap the benefits of patience.

Ecclesiastics 7:8b says, “Patience is better than pride.”

Proverbs 14:28 – “Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly.”

Ephesians 4:2 – “Be completely humble and gentle, be patient, bearing one another in love.”

Thanks for another read today. Till next time, TAKE THAT FAITH LEAP.